It hurts.

I got rejected from the university I really wanted to get into. I found out today.

I will be okay, but it is just rough right now. I know it is pointless, but I just wish it had worked out better.

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In case anyone was curious....

When you spend an entire day dressed/looking like this, people will ask:

• If you are sick.
• If all of your makeup was stolen.
• If you have lost someone. 
• What you did last night. 

Just saying... I have been very, very lazy. 

Aveeno Positively Radiant Daily Cleansing Pads Review

I started using this product fairly early on this month, and had high hopes for it. I tend to like Aveeno products, and I really wanted to adore this one. 

Pros: 

• It has the two sides: Scrubby/smooth, which give you some options.
• The scrubby side exfoliates, but not too much. 
• Convenient! Pre-moistened, you just moisten your face and go at it!
• They smell nice and clean.

                                                                                                              Cons:

• They burn. Like fire. I have no idea why, but 80% of the time they really stung my face. Sometimes they worked without any burn, but most of the time they hurt. I don't have sensitive skin, so I don't know why it hurt. I mean, I have used witch hazel as a toner before, and it doesn't sting this bad. It was like an alcohol sting. In the future I will just use vodka instead of bothering with this.
• They don't really seem to remove my makeup as much as I would like. I know that I should remove my makeup in a separate step, but I tried to use this to just remove my tinted moisturizer and mascara and it failed. 
• It made my skin feel super dry and tight afterwards. I know that after washing your face with a cleanser that isn't oil-based, a bit of tightness is to be expected, but this was ridiculously drying and oddly painful. Not a symptom of "Radiant" skin.

Overall, I didn't see much of a difference in my skin. It didn't seem to be any more irritated than usual, but this product certainly didn't help it any. I will use up the rest of my second package of these, but I will not be repurchasing. 

I guess I would give this product a 2.5 out of 5 stars. Not an amazing product, but not the worst I have used. A resounding "Meh."

Saturday Self-Improvements — Running!

I am not a runner. It just isn't my thing — my parents met in a running class, and I guess they hoped that I would share the passion. Personally, I prefer ballet, swimming and zumba. Running is just meh.

However, my beloved loves to run. I love my beloved. He is open to doing all of my things with me, so I feel like I should probably put a bit of an effort into his things. I am also doing this for me, because I want to know what it feels like to do well in a race.

Soooo... here is my plan:

A neighboring city has a summer solstice run at one of my favorite parks. It is an evening run, and is only 10k.

It is June 24th. I started practicing for it on May 25th, and I hope to do it in under an hour. It will be difficult, because I have literally no experience running and don't want to die. This is a challenge for myself, and it will be a fun bonding experience with B. (Or he will watch me die. Either way, it will change our relationship....)

I will probably be tweeting my practice run times, along with basic whining. It should be rather entertaining for all of the serious runners out there! If I am feeling especially brave, I will post before and after shots the day of the race. It should be something like "Well made up, happy looking Kat" at the beginning, and "Decaying Kat corpse" at the end. Super fun!

The Friday Five

Soooo... This was my week:

We found a place! I am surprisingly in love with it. We will be on the second/top floor, which is something that I really wanted (built in exercise and we don't have to listen to people stomp around.) and has its own washer and dryer. It is in this secluded community in the hills, but is close enough to campus and grocery stores that I will be able to bike. I cannot wait.
                                                                                                       ♥

While walking around the facility the woman was really praising their tanning beds, but warned me that we would have to pay a bit extra for them. It was insanely funny, because I was wearing an outfit that is very similar to the one above. I am even paler now than I am when that was taken. I can't tan, but I had tried that Jergens tanning lotion. My boyfriend almost died laughing, and I was just shooting him the death glare. Probably the funniest moment of my week. I also managed to delete 3/4 of my photos, so I was stuck with crappy photobooth pictures or an airport picture from January. I figured that the red eyes are better than super-blurriness.
                                                                                                        ♥

I have a job interview on Tuesday! I am so, so hoping that I get this position. It is a temporary position, summer only, but it would make my life doable. I hate to get too into my personal life, but I need to make about $4,000 this summer to live without serious anxiety. (I mean serious anxiety as in "Am I going to be able to make this months rent/pay tuition, let alone ramen noodles for food" not "Will I be able to pay the Nordstrom bill this month?!") I may come off pretty frivolous here, but this year I got a bunch of gift cards for my birthday/Christmas, which allowed me to purchase my makeup. I don't want to come off as one of those people who whines about money but keeps purchasing like there is no tomorrow.
                                                                                                          ♥

I'm going to attempt a strict policy of no-buy for the next month. I will give myself a $5 a week budget for a soda while out, or something of the like, but I will be trying to save even that. We shall see how this goes, because I tend to do smallish impulse purchases. This does exclude gift cards, because I have a bit of a Target one left over, as well as a Macy's card. I may need to repurchase my Prep+Prime SPF 50 and my usual SPF 15 lotion, and I don't count these cards as out of pocket spending.
                                                                                                          ♥
I have gotten back into tumblr. I hate myself for it, because I can spend *hours* on there. I created a new account for the sheer joy of being able to start over!



                                                                             

Apartment Hunting Jitters.

I know it's stupid, but I'm nervous. B and I are going to look for apartments this afternoon, and I'm excited, nervous, and sad. Excited because I love him to bits, nervous because the last time I lived on my own was iffy, and sad because this means that I'm pretty much stuck here for the next two years of school.

I just... I haven't gotten an *official* rejection from my first choice, and I'm wait listed at my second choice. I don't want to admit that my dreams are dead right now, and signing the lease is saying that I have failed. (Yes, I'm feeling overdramatic.)

I just... I love him, I want to live with him, but I don't want to live here with him. If he was coming with me to D.C. for school, I would be like "Lets get married, get into married student housing, and be mad passionate in love." I'm done with this area. I can't find a job, I don't really like the college, and the overall vibe isn't me. I want to live in an area that is full of life, and this area is in bed by midnight.

I'm hoping that we will find some fantastic place, and I won't have to worry about it. Or, perhaps, I could get accepted at my first choice and get out. Either way, I will be out of here soon, and I'm excited.

Essie Trophy Wife and OPI Black Shatter Review.

I have seen Essie nail polish advertised everywhere, and I had to try it. I purchased "Trophy Wife" and "Master Plan" at Target, and I was somewhat underwhelmed. I guess that I was expecting better color payoff and quality.

Trophy wife was purchased because of its name, and I was somewhat disappointed. I found that the color didn't apply smoothly and evenly — something that is okay in a $2 NYC nail polish but less okay in an $8 "Professional" quality polish.

Because I wasn't thrilled with how they looked, I used Black Shatter over it. The Black Shatter by OPI is iffy, and it either looks completely awesome or completely terrible. However, it is the best shatter polish that I have found. (A review is coming for China Glaze) 

I apologize for the darkness of the photos. I did my nails/took the pictures late at night. 

Overall, I like the look. When I first got the shatter, I used it over China Glaze Re-Fresh Mint. I got so many comments and compliments, and my psychology instructor was fascinated by it (older man, has children my age.) Within two weeks of my wearing it, the girls who sat in the class next to me who had heard his comments started wearing it. I found it amusing. 

P.S. My boyfriend actually commented on it without my asking, and really likes it. I really like that he notices and enjoys the effort I put in. 

Organix Brazilian Keratin Therapy Final Review.

I really wanted to love this product. It seems like such a brilliant idea! It was easy to purchase, easy to do, but wasn't worth the time or effort.

As I said in my previous reviews, I don't have curly hair, so I just wanted this to work on my frizz. That was all I wanted — a noticeable improvement.

Unfortunately, I don't see one. I followed the directions to the letter — I straightened my hair upon waking up for two mornings, never let it touch water, I didn't sweat. I mean, I basically sat at my desk and did homework and watched Pushing Daisies on Netflix.

I washed it using the Organix Brazilian Keratin Therapy products, and:

• My hair still takes ages to dry. AGES! I didn't notice any changes in this area, and I was really hoping that I would. 
• My hair is still frizzy and wavy.  

I have had maybe two really good hair days after using this product, and it *may* have had something to do with it, but I am doubtful. I feel that it is too damaging to the hair to be worth doing — straightening your hair multiple times in two days is not good for it, especially if it doesn't provide results. 

I did like how my hair looked right after applying the treatment itself and blowdrying it, so I can see using it as a sort of leave-in product on days I need to look decent.

Ultimately, the only time I saw frizz-reduction was during the first couple of days when the product itself was on my hair, and I would not repurchase this product.

However, it may reduce curl on someone who has super curly hair. I don't know. However, I wouldn't risk it, because I have a feeling that it could really mess with the curl pattern. 

Apprehension/Anxiety/Avoidance

I am usually liked. I don't mean that in a "I'm super popular" way, but in a "Most people don't care either way, but don't harbor any negative feelings towards me." I'm likable in a neutral way, so when my boyfriend took me to meet his mum a few months ago, I was nervous but not terrified.

I was wrong, and she can't stand me. I'm not quite sure why, and she treated me well, but the entire time I was there I got this distinct feeling that she wasn't impressed. I was respectful, my boyfriend and I hadn't experienced any sort of issues at that point, and I genuinely like her. Seriously, I completely admire and respect this woman, and could see myself being close to her if I weren't dating her son. 

I don't really understand what made me so... disdainful. I am in the same financial bracket as her son, and have never taken anything from him financially — we split everything pretty equally (He will buy dinner one night, I will buy the next time, or I will drive and buy food while he pays for the room when we vacation or vice versa.)  I am double majoring, a year ahead in school with an excellent gpa and a 4.0 in my major (I have gotten two Bs in my lifetime... an art class and a geology class.) I am a vegetarian, I love people, and tend to be super friendly. My only real bad habit is that I like to speed, but only when I am alone in the car, and at that point we hadn't had any sort of major disagreements, so she had no reason to believe I was or will be damaging to him. 

I asked him about it, and he said that I reminded her a bit of herself and she thinks that I'm immature and going to leave him. But I'm "cute", so that is all that matters? 

The thing is, I can't promise that I won't leave him someday. I don't see it happening any time soon, but I have never been one to stay in a miserable relationship for a long period of time. Life is too short, too unreliable to remain miserable. I can only promise that I will love him with everything inside of me for as long as I can, and I will make it my goal to make him as happy as he has made me. 

That kind of scarred me, and our relationship. I would never want to disrupt his family (if it came down to a her v. me thing,  I would leave. Family first.) and I distanced myself some after that. We did break up for a month or so not too long afterwards. 

Now he wants for me to meet his father, and it makes me super tense. I want to meet him, because my beloved and I are getting pretty serious, but I am really afraid that he is going to strongly dislike me as well. I am usually okay with rejection, but this is so important, and I don't know what to do or how to act now. 

I have started making myself super busy on the weekends, just to avoid the possibility of being able to meet him. I know this is a bad idea, but it has been a rough few months, and I don't have it in me to be rejected yet again.  

Am I weak? Or is this normal? 

Not all (foaming) hair color is created equal: Sublime Mousse True Black review

I tried this about three weeks after I tried the John Frieda color (my hair has been growing crazy fast lately) and I had pretty high hopes for it. Here is how it worked out:

Pros:

• Easy to use.

Cons:

• "True" Black is brown, apparently. I know black, and this wasn't black. I wasn't expecting a blue black, but this was almost more brownish than the John Frieda was. The color was not the same as the color the model's hair was, not even close. I have mid-brown hair naturally, so it wasn't like this color would have had to radically change my hair. 
• It made my hair feel roughish afterwards. Not terrible, but I used most of the conditioner right after using the dye.
• It stained my skin. I wasn't expecting it to, because the John Frieda one washed right off. This one left dark marks just like a regular dye would.
• My hair was dull-looking afterwards.

Mehs:

• The packaging. Everything was just sort of thrown in there, and the gloves seemed to be of exceedingly low quality. 

Overall, I would not repurchase or recommend to someone else. I would advise coughing up the extra $2-3 for the John Frieda dye, because there is a massive difference between the two. I was deeply disappointed with this color. 

P.S. The model is insanely gorgeous yes? I mean, her eyes, her facial structure, her hair. Wow! 

Saturday Self-Improvements — Nail issues!

I have been wanting to do something that would become a weekly feature, but wouldn't be the same as everyone else, and would be new and relatively interesting each week. I have settled on Saturday Self-Improvements, which will basically feature one aspect of my life that I am trying to work on — be it a physical, mental, or social improvement.

I have the weirdest nails. They aren't weak, they grow fast enough, but... I have one nail that always, always peels. The middle finger of my right hand is constantly peeling, and I'm not quite sure why. None of my other nails on that hand peel, and I don't do anything abnormal with that nail.

Soooo, my goal for this week is to put a real effort into taking care of my nails.

I have used Hard as Hoof Nail Strengthening Cream before, and it worked well. I just have to remember to actually put it on. I'm going to use a wide variety of hand creams as well, and post a picture of my nails two weeks from today! I took this picture on the 16th, so there has been some growth since then, but not an insane amount.

I wear clothes! #1

Let me preface this post with the acknowledgement of the fact that I am not beautiful. I really am not, and I know this. I am okay with this. The only reason this blog is called Beautiful, but Cold is because I have been called it twice. I also know that I am heavy, and I am working on it — I have been in Weight Watchers for a few months, and have slowly lost ten pounds. I am doing it slowly and safely, and will soon look far better than I do now.

Also, these pictures were taken with my Droid X. I will eventually have a better camera, and am putting photoshop on my computer tonight, so my images will be improving. Thank you for your patience as I work these things out!

Today was the first time I wore the dress, and I was less impressed than I should have been. I have a fairly large chest, and it sort of smushed it down and made it look like a basic fat. I did get multiple compliments, so I know that it wasn't terrible, just not what I wanted. 

Also, I wore my hair up in a bun during class, which is why it is semi-awkward here. 

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New beginnings.

I have been distracted by two exceedingly awesome things lately:

1. I'm going to be moving out of my parent's home, and have been looking at apartments with my beloved. We have been together for over a year, so "boyfriend" seems oddly inadequate. I am so excited! I have been looking at bedding, furniture, and towels. I have a bit of a texture thing — I love soft, luxurious towels and blankets. It is garage-sale season, and this is the first time that I will actually have a place to put the little things that I always notice!

2. I have a job interview! It isn't a super glamorous position (reservation rep), but it is for a respectable company that is known for having excellent customer service. I want to work for a place I feel good about, and this is a company that I would feel good working for. Plus, I would have at least 40 hours a week all summer! It would make my life so much easier.


The whole beloved thing... it is odd how it has worked out. We have worked out so well, and I can honestly say that I had never dreamed that I would have such an amazing person in my life. It may not last forever, but I never want for it to end.

Organix Brazilian Keratin Therapy Review Part 1

I am going to be reviewing this in three parts — One part now, one part after I have washed my hair the first time, and then one part after 30 days.

Let me start off by saying that I rarely straighten my hair because I have to use a crap-ton of hair spray and the second I walk outside my hair is frizzy and wavy again. I don't really have curly hair, but I have thick hair that is baby fine. And I live in Oregon. Not a good mix!

Because my hair is only slightly wavy, I really want for this to make my hair smooth and controlled looking. The package also says that it will make it easier and quicker to blow dry smooth, and that would be a huge plus.

On to the review!

When you open the box, there are three things:

Thin, crappy gloves (like food service gloves at a public elementary school)
A fairly large packet of shampoo
A nice bottle of the treatment, like what is shown on the front of the box.

The box says to wash your hair with the shampoo, leaving it on for two minutes, and not condition it.
Towel dry until your hair is 80% dry, and apply the treatment to two inch sections of hair without massaging it into your scalp or oversaturating your hair..

I washed my hair with the shampoo, and was thankful that it didn't strip my hair color. The shampoo was super watery, and a bit difficult to get onto my hair, but lathered well. Really, really well. When I rinsed it out, my hair felt gross. I wasn't overwhelmingly impressed with it, but it wasn't terrible.

I towel dried my hair as much as I could, but it is massively thick and I only had an hour to do this. I ended up applying the treatment to hair that was between 50-75% dry. I massaged it on, but I really wish that they would have specified how much to use — like, "A pea to dime-sized amount per segment for hair between chin and mid-back length."

I kind of guessed my way through it, and I used about 2/3 of the bottle. I don't really feel like I have product in my hair now, so I'm a bit concerned as to if I used enough. I combed it through with the Tangle Teezer, and sat down to wait for 30 minutes.

After my timer went off, I went in to blow dry. There was a slightly creamy smell, but not a chemicalish scent. I was a bit worried that it would be terrible, but it didn't smell bad at all. It blew dry in an amazing way! No frizz, and it was mostly straight. I then used my ancient, beat up Chi straightener, and it looked amazing.

I am sitting in class about two hours later, and while I have a bit of frizz, it isn't terrible. I will probably end up using a no-frizz serum while blow-drying next time, and I think that it will be perfect. It is far less than my usual frizz.

Awesome Conditioner.

As posted earlier, this month I am going to try Organix Brazilian Keratin Therapy on my hair, and it involves using a special sulfate and sodium free shampoo/conditioner. I bought the conditioner last night, and used it immediately after I dyed my hair. I haven't used the Therapy stuff yet, and I kind of wanted a test run with the conditioner before I really invested in it. I am a bit skeptical of some of these products. 

It. Was. Awesome.

My hair is super soft, glossy, and smells amazing. I left it on for about three minutes while I showered, rinsed it out, and it dried pretty much frizz free. 

The only real problem I have with it is that they don't sell big bottles of it, because I hate having to repurchase basic stuff frequently. 

This month I'm testing...

                                                             This month I'm going to use: 

                                                                Aveeno Cleansing Pads

Aveeno Body Wash

Organix Brazilian Keratin Therapy

Making plans and getting out.

As it starts to warm up, I start looking forward to traveling. While I don't currently have the funds to do any huge trips, I really enjoy the smaller road trips that my friends and I go on. I am currently planning two with my boyfriend:

1. We are going to the coast during the week between spring and summer term. I am super excited, because we have gone to this bed and breakfast twice now, and it is our special place now. We get the same room, and it is right on the beach. We go to the best Indian restaurant for pineapple fried rice for dinner, head straight out for a walk, and then go inside for wine and a movie that I always fall asleep in the middle of. Around two in the morning we head out to the hot tub, and then go to bed. Breakfast is the most amazing thing: German pancakes with caramel sauce. 

I love caramel sauce. 

It is an hour drive there and back, and I love every minute of it. We talk, point out random crap, and just relax. This place seems like another world. 

2. I want to take him to the island where I used to live. It is about 30 minutes outside of Seattle, and I want to take him when the blackberries are ripe. My aunt and I used to pick them in the summer, and it is one of the happiest memories that I have of that place. I also want to take him to the Mexican restaurant that is next door to my old office. They had the best taco saladish thing, and it is vegetarian.  

I will take him to do all the touristy things, but I really want for him to see the place I used to live, the beach I used to walk. 

I have yet to find a place for us to stay while there, but he loves bed and breakfast type places, and I feel somewhat obligated to hunt one down for him. I will love it, and it is really the only thing that is keeping me going while I wait for my college applications to go through and the sun to come out. 

Brilliance.

You know those people who always, always look good? Incredibly well dressed, never ruffled, and simply fantastic all around. These are moderately attractive people made extremely attractive by their mannerisms and dress.

There is one instructor at this school who is like this, and I have only seen him once or twice up until now.

Today I saw him twice, and he saw me.

I have very little makeup on and am wearing a hideous, stretched-out community college sweatshirt with old jeans and sparkly Converse. My hair is in a frizzy messy bun. I usually wear heels and adorable dresses. The one time I drab down, I have to be seen.

I tried to avoid. I failed. He saw.

Note to self: Wear makeup to class... and decent looking clothes.