Monday, May 23, 2011


I am usually liked. I don't mean that in a "I'm super popular" way, but in a "Most people don't care either way, but don't harbor any negative feelings towards me." I'm likable in a neutral way, so when my boyfriend took me to meet his mum a few months ago, I was nervous but not terrified.

I was wrong, and she can't stand me. I'm not quite sure why, and she treated me well, but the entire time I was there I got this distinct feeling that she wasn't impressed. I was respectful, my boyfriend and I hadn't experienced any sort of issues at that point, and I genuinely like her. Seriously, I completely admire and respect this woman, and could see myself being close to her if I weren't dating her son. 

I don't really understand what made me so... disdainful. I am in the same financial bracket as her son, and have never taken anything from him financially — we split everything pretty equally (He will buy dinner one night, I will buy the next time, or I will drive and buy food while he pays for the room when we vacation or vice versa.)  I am double majoring, a year ahead in school with an excellent gpa and a 4.0 in my major (I have gotten two Bs in my lifetime... an art class and a geology class.) I am a vegetarian, I love people, and tend to be super friendly. My only real bad habit is that I like to speed, but only when I am alone in the car, and at that point we hadn't had any sort of major disagreements, so she had no reason to believe I was or will be damaging to him. 

I asked him about it, and he said that I reminded her a bit of herself and she thinks that I'm immature and going to leave him. But I'm "cute", so that is all that matters? 

The thing is, I can't promise that I won't leave him someday. I don't see it happening any time soon, but I have never been one to stay in a miserable relationship for a long period of time. Life is too short, too unreliable to remain miserable. I can only promise that I will love him with everything inside of me for as long as I can, and I will make it my goal to make him as happy as he has made me. 

That kind of scarred me, and our relationship. I would never want to disrupt his family (if it came down to a her v. me thing,  I would leave. Family first.) and I distanced myself some after that. We did break up for a month or so not too long afterwards. 

Now he wants for me to meet his father, and it makes me super tense. I want to meet him, because my beloved and I are getting pretty serious, but I am really afraid that he is going to strongly dislike me as well. I am usually okay with rejection, but this is so important, and I don't know what to do or how to act now. 

I have started making myself super busy on the weekends, just to avoid the possibility of being able to meet him. I know this is a bad idea, but it has been a rough few months, and I don't have it in me to be rejected yet again.  

Am I weak? Or is this normal? 

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