You know those days? Where you aren't happy, aren't sad, but can't seem to get yourself out of a funk?
I've had two of them, yesterday and today. I'm not sure why, and my boyfriend and mum have both noticed. And I'm tired of it. I mean, I have a lot to be excited about, and yet I can't seem to bring myself out of it. I'm not depressed, and I'm not hurt, but I'm not happy.
I have come to this conclusion: It is okay not to be happy.
We try so hard to be happy. All the time. And we psych ourselves up to be with people. Earlier today I was talking to B, and I could tell that I was bringing him down. So I spent the last ten minutes of the call (we are currently long distance, to those who may not know) being upbeat and positive so that I didn't leave him empty. I went to dinner with my grandmum, and I spent the whole time laughing and chattering to keep from seeming low.
And for what? What is so wrong with having a couple of days without happiness? Some days, things get to us. The things that people say on a regular basis, things we usually expect, can unexpectedly stab us.
I'm looking for a car right now, and I'm looking at one specific vehicle that I'm really excited about. It is right on the outer edge of my budget, but I can afford it. It isn't the typical college car, but I would enjoy it to pieces. I was talking to my grandmum about it, and she got snipey about it, saying that I should just get a little car that is cheaper. She then asked what my plans for grad school are, and I said that I'm contemplating (insert school name here) if I can get a decent scholarship. She followed that with "You certainly have expensive tastes."
She is always like that, and usually it doesn't bother me. I know that I have paid for everything since I was fifteen, and I have worked really hard to get what I want, with grades/etc. Today it nearly brought me to tears.
So I'm working towards being happy again. But it isn't easy right now.
(sorry for the massive personal post)