Lately I have been thinking about what love really is.
I got into a conversation with a classmate, one with a four year old daughter. He said that the only real, true unconditional love is the love a parent has for their child. I argued that it isn't true of everyone, that there are those who grew up with indifferent, if not cruel parents. My final word was "Love is a fleeting emotion."
I dated someone who wouldn't believe that I loved him unless I wanted to get married as soon as possible. No matter how many times I told him that I loved him, that I was committed to him, he wanted us to get married. I told him that I wanted to wait until I finished my degree, but I would be more than willing to move in with him, to make it a serious long-term relationship.
He still wouldn't buy it, because I couldn't promise him forever.
The thing is, no one can promise forever. No one can look into someone else's eyes and say with complete assurance that they will feel the exact same way about them forever. People change, and feelings change.
I'm not saying that a couple can't be together, and happy, for decades. My parents have been together for nearly 25 years. They are happy. Is their relationship the exact same as it was in the beginning? No. They have had three kids, a miscarriage, and a couple of career changes. They have each lost a parent, there has been a cancer scare, and there has been weight lost and gained. Their love is a mature one, a comfortable one.
I just have this radical idea: love for the moment. Letting the current love be enough.
If he hadn't been so pushy about marriage, I would still be with him. I loved him. I still love him, in a way that I will always love him. He needed me to promise him something that no one can promise, and that destroyed our relationship.
This reminds me of a Lily Allen song — I Could Say. "I could say that I'll always be here for you, but that would be a lie... I could say that I'll always have feelings for you, but I've got a life ahead of me."
Download song or entire album here